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By Chuck Wells

  1. Donít tell your agent about the car accident you just had because you are afraid your rates will go up. Two years later when the other driver sues you because of some lame injury, you can try and get your insurance company to defend you. Of course, by then, they will probably tell you to get lost.
  2. Get your car fixed or throw away damaged property before the insurance adjuster has a chance to see it. Then complain when you are not paid the amount you expected.
  3. Lie to your insurance company about having a teen driver in your household to save money and then call them when your kid has an accident and you want them to pay. Complain when you are cancelled because of undisclosed drivers.
  4. Put your daughterís boyfriendís car on your car insurance policy because you feel sorry for him and you know she ďreally loves him.Ē After all, itís not right that his insurance company charges so much for his tickets and accidents. When he has an accident on your policy, you can sweat it out for a couple of years as the other driver sues you too.
  5. Buy the cheapest policy you can find and then complain later that it doesnít pay squat.
  6. Donít tell your agent about the classic car you are storing in your garage. It should be covered if it burns up in the garage and you donít want to pay higher premiums. Complain later when you find out it isnít covered under your home insurance. Do the same with your camper trailer, ATV, and motorcycle.
  7. Customize your vehicle and donít tell the insurance company. You donít want your rates to go up and you can argue about getting paid after
    an accident.
  8. Allow other people not listed on your policy to drive your cars. You can complain later when you are sued because of an accident and are cancelled because of their driving records.
  9. Buy some expensive jewelry and donít tell your insurance company.
  10. Donít insure your home for what it will cost to replace it so you can save a few bucks. Assessed value should be enough. Complain during the claim process when you get paid diddly.


For those of you planning your summer vacation, donít miss the Summer Redneck Games in Dublin, Georgia. Events include the Big Hair competition (Al Szekely won with 11 inches of hair piled on top of his head) and the Mudpit Belly Flop. Opening ceremonies include 3,000 onlookers sitting on top of their pickup trucks watching as a barbeque grill is set on fire. Future events will include Mud Bogging and Bobbing for Pigís Feet.


San Francisco, Mecca of gays, is after the gay bar ďThe Cafť.Ē It seems that The Cafť has forbidden kissing between heterosexuals. Itís ok, though, if you are gay. They call it the ďno straight make-out policy.Ē The San Francisco Human Rights Commission told The Cafť that they were discriminating against heterosexuals and couldnít do that anymore. The barís manager says he is now banning heavy kissing by people of all sexual orientations saying: ďI was trying to be sensitive to the needs of my customers. My main complaint from customers is there are too many straight people here.Ē

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