CARS SHOULD DRIVE
By Chuck Wells
In New York, our legislators
think they can help us drive better by passing the cell phone
law that says you can talk on your cell phone while driving as
long as you don’t have the phone up to your ear and use a “hands
free” device. This is so we avoid “inattention blindness” where
we see things but they don’t register because our attention is
directed elsewhere (a common problem with guys). A study done by
the University of Utah says that our inattention is the same
whether we are “hands free” or talking on the phone with it up
to our ear. Use of the cell phone quadruples the chance we will
have an accident.
Well, Honda is developing a new “collision mitigation brake
system” and a sophisticated cruise-control system as reported by
Todd Zaun of the Wall Street Journal. This new technology may
save the day for those who want to talk on the phone, read the
Times, or do their hair and toenails while driving.
The “collision mitigation brake system” is a computer radar
sensor that detects if you are getting too close (no definition
as to “too close”)to another car. Since you are too occupied
with other things or maybe drowsy from a late night, the car
will let you know that something bad is going to happen to you.
First of all, a buzzer goes off. If you don’t slam on the
brakes, your seat belt will tug on you three times (in case you
are asleep) and the brakes are activated for you.
So that takes care of not smashing into the guy in front of you.
But what about steering around people? Don’t worry, we have the
sophisticated cruise control. This thing uses radar and cameras
tied to the accelerator, brakes and steering so you don’t get
too close to the car in front of you and keeps you in your lane
The manufacturer says that since the car will drive itself now,
you won’t get as tired driving. You will be relaxed, fresh,
having done your nails and hair, and having read the paper
before you get into work! Sounds like a commercial from the
The best part is if you do have an accident, you can blame it on
your car rather than yourself, sue the car company to collect
big bucks, and argue with your insurance company when they try
to increase your rates.
Heidi Erickson of Boston is in deep do-do. She is a cat hoarder.
Authorities raided her apartment and rescued 112 cats and found
several cat carcasses. She tried to mask the smell of her
apartment by putting air fresheners throughout the apartment and
taped her windows shut. She said that she was breeding Persian
cats to get the “imperfections” out of them. Police also found
60 dead Persian cats in her freezer. Erickson said they were not
dead cats in here freezer. “I have 150 pounds of beef kidneys in
the freezer, but it certainly isn’t what they claim it is. I do
get beef kidneys at a really good price and got receipts up the
yin-yang.” Police then checked out a second apartment rented by
Erickson and found a dozen frozen cats in the freezer and 52
sick cats at that apartment. She says authorities are
discriminating against her because of her epileptic disability
and sexual lifestyle. She lives alone and has sued the city 40
times in 7 years. No word as to when she will have her next
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